every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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