at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Less talking, more tequila
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
