also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
