Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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