i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
