So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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