im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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