I hate all girls vehemently.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
