You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
