just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
