It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
