Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
