There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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