Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I cut my penus on the lid.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
NoShamevember. You game?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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