I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
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