dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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