It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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