i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
