I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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