so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
