Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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