I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
