I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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