Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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