clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
