Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
