This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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