i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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