God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
