Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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