I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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