I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
