We won't sleep together?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
