his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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