I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
