dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
