I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
