When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I forget how to act sober
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
