i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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