Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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