Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
