I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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