On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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