I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im holly from the hills drunk
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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