May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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