I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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