Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i drank out of a bidet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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