According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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