she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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