woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
