mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
