you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
