i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
