# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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