The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
