i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
