The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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