I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
