He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize