Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize