Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
