my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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