happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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