I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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