hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
