I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
