Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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