you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
