I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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