I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
