so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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